Define "chronic" masturbator.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
