I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
