And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
