i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize