Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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