Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize