tell your sister to shave her snatch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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