I want to walk on stilts...naked
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize