I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's never too late to be topless.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
