i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
