I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
