My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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