Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
