oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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