My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
