The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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