And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so not down for the gang bang
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
