i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
