He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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