that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
