garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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