Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
