Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
