somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
