She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
