you would pick up someone in the library
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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