I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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