just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
