mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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