i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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