I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
