respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
