ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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