if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
