at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize