i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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