Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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