Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh god it's open bar.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
