Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
