i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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