even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
