were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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