i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
