My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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