This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
