So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
