'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
