i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
