'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
