i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
