New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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