I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
