I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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