After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
