did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
