I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
