So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
