I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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