omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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