I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
