Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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