apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please don't give away my fajitas
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