Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
