Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
