I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
