I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
